It’s the new year. I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions. I didn’t make any goals for the New Year. I didn’t reflect on what happened in 2019 by looking at photos or my journals. & most importantly, I stopped telling myself “New Year. New Me” This year I didn’t want to mark the new […]
Recent Posts
All I’ve Ever Wanted in these Past 15+ years of Struggling with a Mental Illness is a HUG.
The most simplest form of human connection: A HUG. And that’s something I want, but don’t get. But it’s something that I want/need when I’m struggling with depression or anxiety. I get those awkward side hugs from people, second-long hugs from relatives and hugs from my students. But those hugs are just for greetings…saying hello […]
Having Depression and Anxiety Does Not Make You a Bad Person.
I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the body language. I know the tones in their voice. I know the fake smiles. I have major depressive disorder. & I have anxiety. I’m not a bad person. And yet… the looks, the stares, the body language, the tones and the fake smiles directed […]
Changes: LIFE GOES ON.
Tomorrow is the last day of another chapter in my book. When I got the email from my new job exactly 2 weeks ago, I had a whole mixture of emotions. And that mixture of emotions went up and down like a roller coaster these last two weeks. I would be sad about leaving my […]
I Don’t Talk.
It’s funny how one small sentence someone says or one thought… can lead to another thought and another… and all of a sudden I am completely devastated about my life and myself. Oh man. When I thought that my life couldn’t get any more chaotic, this week happened. I’m pretty sure I stated in my […]
Write on…
I prefer writing over typing any day. When I was in college, I always bought a notebook for notes,even though I brought my laptop everywhere with me. In my room, I have about a thousand journals. All unfinished. All with a different purpose. Writing. Physically. For different purposes. There’s just something about it. In school, […]
Is it Mental or Physical?
I’m having a hard time distinguishing if the current symptom I’m feeling is mental or physical. There are physical symptoms that I get from my mental illness of depression and anxiety. With depression, I have insomnia or loss of appetite. Or I’m just tired all the time. With anxiety, I get a sore throat when […]
“It’s National Suicide Prevention Week. And just a couple of hours ago, I wanted to end my life.”
It’s National Suicide Prevention Week. Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day. And just a couple of hours ago, I wanted to end my life. Typically around this time, I will talk about the importance of this week. But this year, I have been quiet about it. These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind […]
Worry Writing.
Within the past year, I would have days when I would leave work and suddenly have a random worry. I would worry about different things like: Did I leave the water on in the sink? Did I turn the AC off? Did I turn my lights off in the classroom? Did I clock out? Then […]
7 months.
Tonight. I’m letting my mind and body sleep naturally. Whenever it is tired and wants to rest. No melatonin. No sleep apps. No podcasts. No audiobooks. I’m letting my mind and body experience something that it’s not used to. Letting my mind and body sleep when it’s ready, not because I’m forcing it to. I […]
Going from anxiety to depression.
I am very familiar with depression. I am very familiar with anxiety. & I’m very familiar with depression transitioning to anxiety. But… The transition from anxiety to depression is something that is unfamiliar to me. And I don’t like it… I had many moments of anxiety within the past week. And a million more moments […]
Nothing.
Life is hard since this new year (aka year 30). I wanted to write a blog about how I’ve felt since I turned 30 and other things that I am passionate about… but the words are still floating in my mind. I wanted to visually display how I felt through art… but I’m holding the […]
