I lied. I wrote a post this morning and basically deceived myself thinking that I’m okay. And going through all these obstacles is okay. And it’s not. Today was hard. And it was supposed to be an easy day. I got stuck in traffic, which we haven’t had traffic in the mornings for about a […]
Recent Posts
I’m Sorry Mel.
I apologized to myself today. I had a really rough week at work. I’ve had rough weeks before, but this one tops them all. (Let’s put it this way: I’m about to lose my voice and I have two pimples. And I haven’t had pimples in years). Today, I just woke up and had a […]
JOURNAL JOURNEY.
One of my ways to self-cope/ease my mind from depression and anxiety is to journal. I have two sources for journaling. Sometimes I just write in a journal, simple as that. Writing on this blog is another form of journaling to me. Because sometimes when I think about something, I think it is worthy enough […]
I’m Waiting for Something Bad to Happen…
(Let’s do a NO EDIT, write everything down post). How many times can I say how F*CKING HORRIBLE THIS YEAR WAS?! It just doesn’t seem real. And looking back, I think… “WAIT, THAT WAS ALL IN 8 MONTHS”. With what’s going on in the world and with myself. It really has affected me to the […]
WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
I actually had a pretty good week at work, was soo ready for a 3 day weekend & here I am crying…. I feel so depressed and I feel like crap. Last week, I talked about my relationships to my therapist. My relationships with: exes, friends, cousins, etc. As I talked about each type of […]
Trauma & Changes.
These past two weeks have been hard for me: emotionally, mentally and physically. My week off was far from relaxing and my week back was overwhelming. The very first day of my “vacation”, I decided to share my feelings towards this guy I’ve been talking to. I started to have feelings for him & I […]
Just Because I’m “SHY” doesn’t mean I’m less of a person.
I am an introvert. So I’m always associated with the word “SHY”. And I hate that word. It’s always brings out such a negative energy with it. “You’re so shy and quiet” “Don’t be shy!” “She’s shyyyyy…..” I heard that word “SHY” the day before my week off in December when I had a meeting […]
Having Depression and Anxiety Does Not Make You a Bad Person.
I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the body language. I know the tones in their voice. I know the fake smiles. I have major depressive disorder. & I have anxiety. I’m not a bad person. And yet… the looks, the stares, the body language, the tones and the fake smiles directed […]
Changes: LIFE GOES ON.
Tomorrow is the last day of another chapter in my book. When I got the email from my new job exactly 2 weeks ago, I had a whole mixture of emotions. And that mixture of emotions went up and down like a roller coaster these last two weeks. I would be sad about leaving my […]
I don’t feel like I belong in my family
I can’t sleep because all the anxiety I had being with relatives today. I was at a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner for my cousin’s wedding. I’m not part of the wedding. But since my parents are part of it, then I got to go. Same with the dinner. I walked into the venue. Dressed in […]
My Mental Health is Getting Worse.
Hello there. It’s been awhile. I actually don’t remember when I last wrote a post. I’m at that point in the year, when I don’t know which year is worse ……2020 or 2021? I just keep on getting HIT with so many unexpected circumstances. And I just need a break. You think one week will […]
I’m Trying My Best.
I am not sure which year was worse 2020 or 2021 (and we’re only in March). I’m not shocked at the things that have happened to me, but I am disappointed. Every time I try to be positive and just deal with the things that have come my way. Life hits me with another obstacle. […]
ONE YEAR: Since everything changed.
March 13, 2020. I remember that day so distinctly. Prior to that day, I had seen what COVID did to everyone else in the world with: temperature checks, panic buying, lockdowns and quarantines. And that day…. was the day, when it came to my part of the world. We had a teacher development day on […]
How to react to unfair situations.
Last month was horrible. Oh wait, life has not stopped being horrible since 2019 ( and basically my whole life). Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for everything in my life. I understand that others have it worse than me. It just feels like the universe just keeps hitting me with hard situations, […]
Trying NOT to feel Guilty for Taking Care of Myself.
I called in Sick for tomorrow. I have been burnt out for the past couple of weeks. My body is exhausted. My mind is exhausted. I’ve been wanting to take a day off, but I felt like I was just making excuses to not take a day off. But the longer I waited, the more […]
& Not Enough.
There was a post I saw on Instagram (teachersfollowteachers). And it said: “I’M DOING TOO MUCH AND NOT ENOUGH” And I have never related so much to a…. quote. That’s how I feel about teaching and that’s how I feel about my life. I have always felt that I wasn’t enough and that I’m not […]
I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.
(This will probably be a no-edit blog post because I’m tired). Last week was rough. During therapy, I was non-stop crying throughout the whole 50 minutes. I’ve hit rock bottom before and have been in a dark depression. But these past weeks (last week especially), I fell into such a dark place that I haven’t […]
