I am an introvert. So I’m always associated with the word “SHY”. And I hate that word. It’s always brings out such a negative energy with it. “You’re so shy and quiet” “Don’t be shy!” “She’s shyyyyy…..” I heard that word “SHY” the day before my week off in December when I had a meeting […]
Recent Posts
New Year. Same Me.
It’s the new year. I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions. I didn’t make any goals for the New Year. I didn’t reflect on what happened in 2019 by looking at photos or my journals. & most importantly, I stopped telling myself “New Year. New Me” This year I didn’t want to mark the new […]
All I’ve Ever Wanted in these Past 15+ years of Struggling with a Mental Illness is a HUG.
The most simplest form of human connection: A HUG. And that’s something I want, but don’t get. But it’s something that I want/need when I’m struggling with depression or anxiety. I get those awkward side hugs from people, second-long hugs from relatives and hugs from my students. But those hugs are just for greetings…saying hello […]
Having Depression and Anxiety Does Not Make You a Bad Person.
I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the body language. I know the tones in their voice. I know the fake smiles. I have major depressive disorder. & I have anxiety. I’m not a bad person. And yet… the looks, the stares, the body language, the tones and the fake smiles directed […]
Changes: LIFE GOES ON.
Tomorrow is the last day of another chapter in my book. When I got the email from my new job exactly 2 weeks ago, I had a whole mixture of emotions. And that mixture of emotions went up and down like a roller coaster these last two weeks. I would be sad about leaving my […]
I Don’t Talk.
It’s funny how one small sentence someone says or one thought… can lead to another thought and another… and all of a sudden I am completely devastated about my life and myself. Oh man. When I thought that my life couldn’t get any more chaotic, this week happened. I’m pretty sure I stated in my […]
Being A Teacher is Hard.
I’ve wanted to become a teacher ever since I was in 1st grade. Because of my teacher at that time. I didn’t talk at school up until 2nd grade. (I now know that it’s called Selective Mutism) I was scared to talk at school. I don’t know the exact reason why. Maybe someone made fun […]
Am I not worthy enough to feel loved?
I’ve been single for awhile…. I had my shares of ups and downs for being single for so long. I had accepted being single for a long time. Because looking back at my past relationships and the heartbreak and pain that I was experiencing wasn’t worth it. If I was meant to be single for […]
4 AM
This is the THIRD Saturday in a row where I have woken up at 4am. No nightmares. Not feeling too cold or too hot. No loud noises waking me up. Just naturally waking up at 4am. And I wrote my previous post around 11pm last night and fell asleep around 12:45am. So yea… I didn’t […]
Why am I still here?
I’m going to be honest here. And say that at this moment, I’m crying and having a hard time breathing. I usually wait until after a panic attack or suicidal thoughts to write these. But I need to say everything that I’m feeling in the state that I’m currently in. I don’t want to be […]
I Gave Myself a Mental Health Day.
If you read my last post…then it probably gave you an insight on why I’m giving myself a mental health day today. I knew when I got the call saying that my work was open after the “Stay at Home” order, I knew that I was not ready to go back. The anxiety and panic […]
Negativity Energy is Powerful.
I wrote an entire post a couple of days ago of how this virus has affected me mentally all of last week because I still had to work. But I felt like I was complaining too much and being way too negative, so I deleted it. In that post, I explained how each day brought […]
Hurting myself physically when I’m hurting mentally.
Yesterday was rough. Physically, emotionally and mentally. And then it was pushed way over the edge. That moment it was pushed over the edge. I had to hold it. Had to hold my emotions inside. Once I was in a safe and private area, I…..exploded. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t stop crying. Kept on telling myself that […]
It’s Thursday.
Hello. It’s Thursday. The day of the week where all of a sudden: my anxiety and depression are heightened and basically I feel like sh*t. On this week’s episode: I had a rough day before going to work. I had a rough day at work with an increasingly amount of anxiety. And now I am […]
