I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the body language. I know the tones in their voice. I know the fake smiles. I have major depressive disorder. & I have anxiety. I’m not a bad person. And yet… the looks, the stares, the body language, the tones and the fake smiles directed […]
Recent Posts
Changes: LIFE GOES ON.
Tomorrow is the last day of another chapter in my book. When I got the email from my new job exactly 2 weeks ago, I had a whole mixture of emotions. And that mixture of emotions went up and down like a roller coaster these last two weeks. I would be sad about leaving my […]
I Don’t Talk.
It’s funny how one small sentence someone says or one thought… can lead to another thought and another… and all of a sudden I am completely devastated about my life and myself. Oh man. When I thought that my life couldn’t get any more chaotic, this week happened. I’m pretty sure I stated in my […]
Going from anxiety to depression.
I am very familiar with depression. I am very familiar with anxiety. & I’m very familiar with depression transitioning to anxiety. But… The transition from anxiety to depression is something that is unfamiliar to me. And I don’t like it… I had many moments of anxiety within the past week. And a million more moments […]
Nothing.
Life is hard since this new year (aka year 30). I wanted to write a blog about how I’ve felt since I turned 30 and other things that I am passionate about… but the words are still floating in my mind. I wanted to visually display how I felt through art… but I’m holding the […]
Starting a new decade. Year 30.
It doesn’t feel like I’m starting a new decade, a new age and a new year in less than 2 hours. It doesn’t feel like it’s my birthday in a couple of hours. Honestly, I’m exhausted from these past couple of months of: ending a new job, starting a new job. Going to watch my […]
I don’t want to cry on my birthday again this year.
Early. I would get soo excited. Make big plans. Days before leading to my birthday and even after my birthday. Go on a trip. Or go to Disneyland. Go to concerts. Have family parties. Stay up until midnight. I would have high hopes. Then get disappointed. I was watching a video I MADE FOR MYSELF […]
Thanks for the music.
My 30th Birthday is coming up. And I wanted to end my last days of my 20s by listening to the music that helped me throughout my almost 30 years of life. I had different phases: An MTV PHASE that started with TLC. Then it turned into a long phase of POP music from watching […]
I felt like I was going to die.
I had a panic attack 2 days ago. The WORST PANIC ATTACK I’ve ever experienced. It all started with the “what if’s?” after work. It was a rough day at work that day. So my anxiety-filled mind went to “what if tomorrow is like today but worse?”. Then what if this happened to this kid […]
My mind can be a bully.
So I did it. Ended my first week at my new job. From the very beginning of this week, I was so positive. & then my mind got to me and basically made me feel worthless. Starting a new job is hard. You have to learn so many things from new policies and procedures and […]
New Changes & New Chances.
Oh hi. It’s the start of a new chapter tomorrow. I feel…I don’t know. Everything just feels surreal. From the moment I got my start date, to working my last two weeks and working my last day at my other job. Quitting that job was something I wanted & needed in this past year, especially […]
