Again it’s one of those nights when I just can’t sleep…(and I have to work tomorrow).
I wanted to sleep all day since I was sick for the past couple of days and then all of a sudden, I’m not sleepy anymore. I feel more awake than I have been all day.
I DON’T KNOW.
I’ve said these three words so much in my head, my blog posts and my life in the past couple of months.
I DON’T KNOW.
I don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what is missing. I don’t know what I need to make me feel good about my life anymore. I don’t know how to make me feel like myself again.
I just don’t know.
I’m scared to be honest.
And I don’t know what I’m exactly scared of. Maybe I’m scared of the unknown/the future. Maybe I’m scared because I want so many things in my life. And my current life is not heading in that direction. Maybe I’m scared that if I take that leap (of moving to a different city on the other side of the country just to breathe and find myself) that I fail miserably, become broke and come back home more depressed than ever. Maybe I’m scared because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Or maybe I’m scared that I’ll be stuck in my current life and just become more miserable.
I don’t know.
I wish I just knew…
-Mel
