It is currently 11:44pm…

Again it’s one of those nights when I just can’t sleep…(and I have to work tomorrow).

I wanted to sleep all day since I was sick for the past couple of days and then all of a sudden, I’m not sleepy anymore. I feel more awake than I have been all day.

I DON’T KNOW.

I’ve said these three words so much in my head, my blog posts and my life in the past couple of months.

I DON’T KNOW.

I don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what is missing. I don’t know what I need to make me feel good about my life anymore. I don’t know how to make me feel like myself again.

I just don’t know.

I’m scared to be honest. 

And I don’t know what I’m exactly scared of. Maybe I’m scared of the unknown/the future. Maybe I’m scared because I want so many things in my life. And my current life is not heading in that direction. Maybe I’m scared that if I take that leap (of moving to a different city on the other side of the country just to breathe and find myself) that I fail miserably, become broke and come back home more depressed than ever. Maybe I’m scared because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Or maybe I’m scared that I’ll be stuck in my current life and just become more miserable.

I don’t know.

I wish I just knew…

-Mel

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