Depression is slowly destroying me…

I woke up today feeling like sh*t.

I just wanted to sleep my life away and not encounter… life.

I don’t feel like talking, moving or going out..of my bed. And I feel as if every ounce of energy in my body has disintegrated.

I haven’t worked on “The Essential Guide to Finding Yourself” in awhile. Because I’m starting to lose myself again to depression.

I had a feeling all week that depression… major depression is having an effect on me. But I didn’t realize it until I woke up this morning.

I can notice when depression is slowly overpowering me when:

  • I can’t sleep (but at the same time I’m too exhausted that I want to sleep).
  • I can’t concentrate.
  • I can’t feel any emotion (sad, happy or even content)
  • I don’t have any energy
  • I either feel hungry all the time or don’t eat much

Depression is back. And I feel so alone.

Why is that… the more you feel depressed and the more that people know that you’re depressed…THE FURTHER AWAY THEY STAY FROM YOU. Why?

It’s like you have the flu or a type of disease. But depression is not like the flu, people don’t tell you “I hope you feel better” and they don’t bring you soup or check up on you to ask if you feel better. They stay away just so they don’t “catch” your depressive symptoms or they just don’t know what to do or say…. so they stay away. 

They stay away. And they don’t do or say anything to help you. 

The more people stay away, the more depressed I feel. I hate it.

I want to cry. But I can’t cry. I haven’t reached that breaking point yet. But once I start to cry, I won’t be able to stop. That’s when I know I’m deep down in depression and close to reaching rock bottom.

There is no timeline to depression. I don’t choose when to be depressed or choose to feel emotionless. It happens. Life was doing okay, it kept going. And then all of a sudden depression chose to appear into my mind and body.

At this moment, depression is slowly destroying my mind, body and my life.

-Mel

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