2016: The Year That I Lost Myself

The title of this post seems as if it should be written in the last weeks of December. 

It’s only November 16th and I realized that this year is quickly coming to an end,

& that this year, 2016, I lost myself.

What happened? How are we about 6 weeks away from the new year?

And what did I accomplish? What did I do to make my life better? 

That’s the problem…I didn’t. Only because I didn’t know who I am and I’m still trying to pick up the pieces that make me..ME.

I am not happy.

& I kept on thinking that little things would slowly bring me back to myself. But it didn’t. 

I got a full time job, but that only solved a couple of my problems. But the big problem is that I AM NOT HAPPY AT THIS JOB. I don’t feel like I’m growing as a teacher and this job is increasingly making me feel more anxious, scared and nervous every day. 

I am slowly growing distant from the few people that I am close with. This…this makes me lose myself more. Because with those people, I feel like myself and when I don’t talk to them or see them often, I become disconnected with who I am. 

Maybe I should start try “dating” (she said sarcastically)…yea. NO. 

I am doing more and more for others and I’m forgetting about myself. I haven’t taken a day off since I started working (in February). Why? You tell me. 

The more that I think about how I lost myself, the more rapid the days pass by..

My heart hurts thinking that this year passed by so quickly and yet, I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything to make my life better. 

I wish I could just skip to the part of my life when I realize and think, “Now this was worth the wait and hardships”. 

But life isn’t like that and we have to experience struggle and hardship first and then we will know why we have to wait for those moments when you realize  “everything happens for  a reason”. 

-Mel

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