This # 124245453 of these posts that I started and I can’t just seem to find the words to finish it.
Let’s see if I actually finish this one.
Last week was rough. 3 weeks ago was rough. 4-5 weeks ago was rough.
My mind needs a break.
It has been going non-stop for the past year.
The more my mind has been bouncing back and forth with thoughts and the less sleep and rest that I get, it causes madness.
My anxiety is a big mess. My suicidal thoughts grow. My depression falls into a deep hole.
And I don’t talk to a majority of people in my life anymore. And it’s mostly my fault, well mostly my depression and anxiety’s fault.
My mind hurts. It’s a weird thing to say. But the more that I think and feel, the more my my mind hurts and the more that my head hurts.
I can’t focus. I can’t sleep. I can’t be happy. I can’t be myself.
I need to get away. But I don’t know how to.
I honestly feel like the best thing for me is to get away from here. Go on a long trip somewhere by myself or move to a different city.
But..how.
I’ve been looking up Boston’s craiglist for places to live and places to work. But, damn it’s expensive.
So what do I do? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for over a year now.
I need to do something before that one day.
That one day when something happens and I reach that breaking point where I don’t care. I don’t care about what I do and who I affect.
-Mel
