Oh hello, again.

This # 124245453 of these posts that I started and I can’t just seem to find the words to finish it.

Let’s see if I actually finish this one.

Last week was rough. 3 weeks ago was rough. 4-5 weeks ago was rough.

My mind needs a break.

It has been going non-stop for the past year.

The more my mind has been bouncing back and forth with thoughts and the less sleep and rest that I get, it causes madness.

My anxiety is a big mess. My suicidal thoughts grow. My depression falls into a deep hole.

And I don’t talk to a majority of people in my life anymore. And it’s mostly my fault, well mostly my depression and anxiety’s fault.

My mind hurts. It’s a weird thing to say.  But the more that I think and feel, the more my my mind hurts and the more that my head hurts.

I can’t focus. I can’t sleep. I can’t be happy. I can’t be myself.

I need to get away. But I don’t know how to.

I honestly feel like the best thing for me is to get away from here. Go on a long trip somewhere by myself or move to a different city.

But..how.

I’ve been looking up Boston’s craiglist for places to live and places to work. But, damn it’s expensive.

So what do I do? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for over a year now.

I need to do something before that one day.
That one day when something happens and I reach that breaking point where I don’t care. I don’t care about what I do and who I affect.

-Mel

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