I don’t know. I didn’t know. I couldn’t calm myself down.
All week I have been having the worst anxiety.
My heart is constantly beating fast and sometimes feels like my heartbeats are pounding irregularly. I feel like I can’t breathe and every time I take in a deep breathe, I feel like I’m choking. I feel numb physically everywhere. I feel like I’m on edge and get angry at everything and everything. I feel as if life isn’t real and as almost if I’m dreaming.
Today was one of the worst days ever.
I was already feeling anxious heading into this day. 14 minutes before I had to start my shift, I was about to get a panic attack and I couldn’t figure out how to calm my anxiety in those 14 minutes. I was already having a rapid heartbeat and couldn’t breathe. And no matter how much I tried to calm myself down before going into work, my anxiety levels increased significantly. I felt like it wasn’t reality and I was constantly feeling confused if I did this or that.
As soon as I got back from my lunch with a tiny bit of positivity going in. I kept on getting hit by so many things happening one after the other that raised my anxiety back up. An hour before my shift ended, I just gave up.
I had no ounce energy left in my body. I couldn’t do it anymore. I really just wanted to get up and walk out.
Having panic attacks is a horrible thing. Especially having one at work where I cannot control it or walk away to curl myself in a ball and let it happen is the absolute worst.
And I have no idea where it’s coming from.
That’s the crazy thing, it just came out of nowhere.
This is real life.
-Mel
