I know I should sleep because I could not function today at work because I was so tired.
But I decided to listen to “Fake Happy” from my favorite band of all time Paramore.
And it’s putting me in a good mood… and it’s weird because it’s about being fake happy.
This is my life.
I’m faking my “happiness”….
it’s all a hoax.
That smile is fake, the “I’m good” and “I’m fine” is all a show.
But “backstage” is where all my true emotions are hidden.
And that’s why I hate this stigma around mental illness.
I have to fake being happy all the time. Because of this stupid stigma.
I tell you all the time. No one wants to be around someone that has depression or any type of mental illness. Because they think it’s some type of disease and they don’t want to become exposed to it and catch the illness.
But what if you say something not nice to someone with a mental illness ( but didn’t know had a mental illness) and that is a trigger for them. What it was the last straw for them and they decide to hurt or even kill themselves because of what you said?
Well it’s not your fault, you didn’t know…
But that’s the thing about mental illness and this stigma around it. We have to hide our struggles and pain because no one understands it. And because they don’t understand it, they start judging it.
65%-70% of the time I have to put on an act that everything is fine. From previous experiences, I can’t talk to anyone about my depression/anxiety. And I know that others with mental illness feel the same as well.
We don’t want someone to tell us to go seek therapy or to stop thinking about it.
My mind is messed up. And to tell me to make my mind stop bouncing off the walls with thoughts and anxiety is like telling me to complete a calculus problem….no that’s impossible.
Therapy is something that we need, medications are good… but optional.
But we crave comfort from the people we’re closest to the most. Loneliness can make our mental illness feel worse.
We don’t need a diagnosis about our mental illness from our friends and family, that’s what the doctors are for.
We just want someone to be there for us. It doesn’t have to physically, it can just simply be a text saying “hey, hope you’re doing okay”.
We don’t want someone to solve all our problems.
Sometimes we just need someone to listen…because the more that we can talk about what’s bouncing around in our mind the more it starts to leave our mind. When we talk about our worries and anxieties, the more relief we feel because we’re not holding it in our minds.
Also, we don’t want unsolicited advice.
If you have never had depression or anxiety, don’t tell me how I should feel or what to do. It may be simple for you, but not for us.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle
Be careful what you say.
You may not know what is going on behind that smile.