Oh it can get worse…

What do I do now?

This is fucking ridiculous. (Excuse my language, but I can’t put it into any other words).

It basically all started in May.

My co-teacher (who was leaving in June) took so many days off and wasn’t preparing me for lesson plans or anything. Because we were so behind for our class’s graduation. And we were behind because she wasn’t there.

So she left and I felt unprepared. I barely had information on how to do things for my classroom. Like I knew what to do (only because I watched here), but she never gave me the chance to do the work or explained it when she was there. So I don’t feel confident on all the work that I do. I am so behind and overwhelmed.

The majority of June, I was alone in my classroom. My ratio was low which was good but I had to do EVERYTHING. And sometimes I never got to do work for my class during nap time because I was sent to help organize classrooms or help file or help in the baby room.

I finally got a new co-teacher two weeks ago. She’s nice, she always takes initiative and always wants to know how things work. At the same time on her first day there, I had 6 new kids transition in my classroom. Oh, and ants attacked my classroom the same day as well.

I’m glad and grateful to have a co-teacher that isn’t afraid to take initiative. But I’m just so pissed that my work shift has not changed. I get it, she has a kid. But typically when a new teacher comes, the teacher who has worked there longer gets the earlier shift. I don’t know why, but I think it’s fair to be honest. BUT NO. She gets the shift that I wanted, only because she has a kid to pick up. And I’m stuck with 9-6.

(On a side note, I don’t like 9-6. Because if I had plans with someone, I hate that they have to wait for me. Or sometimes I just cancel it. Also, I am exhausted by the time I get home from work. After I eat dinner, take a shower, get my lunch ready…it’s already 8pm. And it takes 2-3 hours for me to fall asleep, so I don’t really do anything after that.)

These last couple weeks have been exhausting. I was trying to show my new co-teacher how to do things. At the same time, trying to help my new kids to transition into my classroom. Oh and all of a sudden my older kids who have been with me for a year are acting out more and more. I’m at the point that I’m beyond over them. They have been showing my new kids bad behaviors, they have been so disrespectful towards me and my new co-teacher. Sometimes they act like 2 year olds and it takes a whole lot of frustration and anger to deal with them.

Since we have been low in ratio, they have been taking my co-teacher away to help with breaks. I can’t get any prep done when I’m by myself in my class. My eyes need to be on all my kids because I look away for one second… and someone gets scratched or kicked or someone is throwing toys.

After I’m done with my kids, I close in a different classroom. With kids worse than mine.

They scream, run around and push and kick each other. They don’t listen.

So to top it all off today, I get a list of new kids that are transitioning to my class on Monday. 11 kids.

11 kids. 11 kids. 11 kids. !!!!!

With my current kids in my class + those 11.

= I have a full class and my mind is going to explode. (Other teachers are shocked that I’m having 11 new kids in one transition, that’s how bad it is)

Oh and I’m still waiting on that promotion that I was told I was going to get.

I’m supposed to be a Co-teacher. I’m doing as much work as a Lead Teacher. But still getting paid as an Assistant Teacher.

For 2 weeks. I was told to say something about it because my boss won’t do it if I won’t say anything about it. What the fuck? If you’re a boss and are giving someone a promotion, you don’t just wait till they ask you about it. That’s not my responsibility to ask because she gave it to me.

I can’t catch a break.

I’m trying to keep positive.

But I can’t. I just keep getting hit and hit with all this dumb shit.

One more thing and I’m done.

I had so many anxiety attacks and crying on the way home from work.

PLUS SOO MANY HEADACHES (which I never really get).

It’s not worth it.

One more thing.

But at the same time,  I need some help with actually doing it. It’s hard because  when I feel weak and overwhelmed I either:  let it happen and just feel like shit or actually do something and just leave.

Any advice and encouragement is appreciated.

Thanks.

-Mel

 

 

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