Sometimes it happens on a Monday.

I usually don’t get this lack of motivation and feelings of anxiety until Wednesday.

But it happened on a Monday.

I had a great anxiety free 4 day weekend.

I felt great.

I didn’t feel tense, I wasn’t worried as much and I didn’t let my thoughts take over my entire mind.

But as soon as I went to work today, I could just feel the anxiety creeping up.

I tried as hard to stay positive, keep ahead of schedule and complete tasks early.

But I could just feel the anxiety slowly building inside of me.

As soon as I started overthinking a small thing, it grew into scenarios in my head. Then I feel lost and confused about everything. And my head starts to hurt from the thoughts and worries spiraling back and forth in my mind.

And BAM! my anxiety is back.

I gave myself a little break when I got home.

And then kinda stressed over what to get for Christmas presents.

Then I remembered that I never made my lunch for tomorrow.

And…..

^#%Y#*Y%*#Y%#*%&#*&%(#*$@*$!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s my work.

Work is my trigger for my anxiety and I know it has been.

For those who have read my blog for the past couple of months, you have read all about it. And you probably have thought, QUIT YOUR JOB!

 

Why have I stayed?

When it gives me a lot of anxiety, it stresses me out, and other things that I just don’t want to mention.

To be honest, my strive and motivation is gone.

I feel like this work gives me so much anxiety that I am just exhausted all the time: physically and mentally.

It’s hard to be motivated when you’re so tired.

And there are other factors I have to think about.

As much as I want to start sending in applications now. I need to find the right work for me. Where it shares the same educational goals that I do, has a positive environment and  is a place where I would want to work for the next couple of years and grow as a teacher.

Additionally, it’s the Holiday season.

If I happen to get a job around this time, I would like to have days off for Christmas time, etc.

And other factors.

I guess I just need to start editing my resume’.

When I’ll start doing  it, I’m not sure…

Oh man.

I need to sleep…

 

Goodnight.

-Mel

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