That moment when you give up.

I give up.

My life has been too overwhelming, especially in the past couple of months.

It hasn’t gone any better and I give up.

I haven’t had any moments of feeling happy or even content with life.

I have spent the past couple of days (which was during Christmas) feeling so isolated with my relatives. Every time I come into the room, the energy changes and they all look at me in a different perspective than before.

I can just feel the stares and awkwardness whenever I’m around them.

They don’t really talk to me. If they see me sitting by myself, they don’t do anything and just leave me alone.

I’m at the point where I give up.

I already feel shitty about myself and when my family doesn’t try to talk to me, I give up.

I worked today. Apparently there was plans to go ice skating and such, but I didn’t know about it. So I worked today. Then I got off early and texted to see what was going on. Then my brother took a long time to contact me back. My anxiety grew and grew. So I gave up. When he finally called back and after my panic attack, I didn’t care anymore of being with my cousins.

If they don’t make an effort, I’m not going to.

They probably wouldn’t want me there anyways. I’ll ruin all their fun.

I give up on them.

There was many moments while driving around and crying where I just wanted to give up on life entirely.

It sucks when you feel so bad about your life, and there’s no one to support you.

Or at least, there’s no one that stays.

Or even tries.

-Mel

5 Comments

  1. Take this time to recharge. Those who don’t have our disease can’t/don’t/won’t understand it. Give yourself some time and space and maybe a little indulgence and rebuild your spirits. Sometimes you have to be your best friend. That’s what I would try to do in your situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hugs. It sucks when your family of origin isn’t supportive. I’ve had plenty of times in my life with no support, but in the past few years I’ve been able to find a few people who do want me “there.” Not going to lie that it would have been hard to imagine that at times in the past, but I’m glad I kept trying and wish you the best getting through the lean times. Here’s wishing you at least some support from your virtual community online!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Things do get better, the hard part is sticking with it through the times when you feel completely hopeless and isolated. But you just have to keep holding on, there are always better times around the corner.

    Like

  4. yes, we do tend to feel isolated, judged and helpless. If you feel that uncomfortable around them, you are probably better off being at work or busying yourself with other things. I think you will find blogging will help. There are so many people going through similar struggles in this blogging community. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s