That is depression.

There were days when all I wanted to do was be in my room, on my bed crying.

I couldn’t leave, I didn’t want to leave.

In my second year of college…

I would drive all the way to school, drive around trying to get parking. And before the class even started, I would get in my car and make the 20 min drive back home.

I didn’t want to be there, I knew I had to be there but I couldn’t.

That memory of walking down the stairs from my class and leaving 10 minutes before the class started is forever in my mind.

It’s so significant because that is not me.

That is depression.

And that moment, was rock bottom.

10ish years later, I can get out of bed and go to work.

But depression appears in different ways. And now anxiety comes in alongside depression.

Sometimes it takes me 5 days to call my dentist and make an appointment. Because I thought of every possible worst scenario to come out of it.

Sometimes I can’t talk to anyone because my mind is too overwhelmed with worries and overthinking that it makes it impossible to carry a conversation.

Sometimes I can’t finish my damn resume and look for other jobs because my current one affects my depression and anxiety.

That is depression.

-Mel

2 Comments

  1. hi, im really curious if you’ve ever been on meds for depression/anxiety. i hope this isnt too personal of a question. ive struggled so hard with depression and anxiety as well, but dont know how else to address it. i know its not an “easy fix” but id like to know your experience (if any) with it. ive been told to exercise and eat healthier to help, but its almost a slap to my face when i feel like its brain chemistry that i cant “fix”

    any input would be so helpful. working through a mental fog is so difficult, but i hope you enjoy your week regardless. there’s always something to look forward to and i hope you have that at the end of your days.

    Like

    1. Hi! Yes I have taken Zoloft as prescribed from a therapist and psychiatrist about 7 years ago. Personally, zoloft didn’t have any affect on me mentally. I didn’t see any change and it didn’t help with my depression. The only effects that I experienced were the side effects of the medication. I was always tired and it didn’t help with my insomnia. Antidepressants didn’t work for me. But it’s different for everyone.
      It’s definitely brain chemistry and not everyone understands depression and anxiety. Sure exercise can help and it’s good to eat healthy, but it doesn’t necessarily help with a mental illness. It’s always best to seek professional help. I recently have accepted that I need to see a therapist again.

      Thank you for the kind words.

      Like

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