My Birthday is a Trigger.

One of the realizations that I had while driving to work this morning was how my birthday is an anxiety trigger.

It’s my birthday in 11 days.

And as it gets closer and closer to the day, I get really anxious and start feeling the downward spiral that depression makes you feel. This happens every year.

After how badly my birthday went last year and the year before and probably 10 other times.

I didn’t want to do anything this year. I didn’t plan anything a month in advance like I usually do.

I’ve been to Disneyland so many years for my birthday and I didn’t want to go this year. That’s how bad it is.

Because I knew that I didn’t have anyone to go with.

My mom keeps on encouraging a family dinner with relatives or like last year invite them to Disneyland when I only wanted to go by myself. And I felt horrible.

I don’t want to celebrate with my relatives anymore. My only real friend just got married and has stopped asking me about my birthday plans for a couple of years. So I stopped celebrating with her.

I’ll explain more as #mentalhealthawarenssmonth comes to an end and my birthday comes closer.

Anyone else feel this way with their birthdays?

-Mel

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