My birthday is a major trigger.
And I’m at that point pre-birthday where I’m angry.
Angry at myself, angry at others because I’m angry at myself and angry at my life.
I’m going to be another year older and the question comes up ” Was this how I pictured my life going into my 29th year?”
And then I start criticizing and attacking my life.
It starts with one thing and leads to another and another.
And I’m fucking angry.
Angry at myself for the decisions I made and that I am not where I wanted to be at this age.
By the way, this is my depression speaking.
Since today was a holiday. I wanted this extra day to get stuff done.
Instead of going to a coffee place down the street. I drove like 25 mins to a coffee shop.
I just needed to drive.
I wanted to be absorbed in my feelings and my emotions. And the only way I could do that is if I drive.
There were a lot of emotions, pain and regret in that drive.