Another tough year in the books.
I didn’t go to Disneyland like I usually do.
I wanted to relax on the days leading up to my birthday.
I had so much anxiety/anxiety attacks/panic attacks/teeth clenching within the past 6 months that all I wanted for my birthday was not to feel anxious anymore.
I didn’t want my body to feel tense, I didn’t want my jaw and teeth to be in pain from all the anxiety and stress that I’ve been experiencing.
I got a massage on Saturday which relaxed my body. I spent yesterday eating at my favorite breakfast place and getting Sprinkles cupcakes and watching Harry Potter.
Today I didn’t let work get to me. I didn’t let the little things get to me. I didn’t let what happened on Friday affect me.
I’m spending the hours left of being 28 looking at baby photos of myself, listening to my favorite band since I was 15…Paramore and NOT letting the “what ifs”/overthinking affect me.
For my birthday, I don’t want depression and anxiety to take over.
Whatever happened in the past on my birthdays…lets leave it there for now.
Weeks leading up to my birthday makes me upset and anxious. And I think it’s because of the plan that I made when I was a teenager.
By my 18th birthday, I wanted to end my life.
I made it past 18 and I’m turning 29 in a couple of hours.
Life can be unfair, life can be stressful and life can make you upset, life can feel like shit.
But I’m here now and I’m still living.
Here’s to Year 29.