For a moment sometime in the past 2 weeks, I made myself believe that I was okay.
I make everyone believe that I’m okay but I’m just fooling them.
I fooled myself.
I made myself believe that I was okay.
But deep deep down in myself, there was my depression and anxiety just telling me that I’m okay.
I kept on overthinking about something that was at all related to my current life. And then started overthinking about something else.
Then seeing one thing leads to one thought, then I just start crying for 10 minutes and touching my heart because I feel like I can’t breathe.
And the depression hits and I start hating myself. I hate that I’m 29 and not married or engaged. I hate that I still can’t afford my own place. I hate that I’m not happy with my life.
It goes darker and then I’m in the fetal position crying and screaming into my comforter.
Then I put Paramore’s “Last Hope” to make me “feel” my emotions even more.
More thoughts drive into my brain.
How come no one helps?
I still get those false statements about listening to me and helping me.
But they don’t.
I still don’t get it.
I hate doing this on my own.
I hate these feelings.