Depression sucks.

I held it in all day.
The frustration, the anxiety, the moments of feeling depressed.

I had to. I was at work. As soon as I turned right on the main street after leaving work.

All the feelings that I held inside for 8 hours  just exploded.

I spent that 30ish min drive completely destroyed.

I was at a very low point. I pretty much hit rock bottom, a place that I never wanted to be ever again.

That drive included moments of:

  • uncontrollable crying
  • telling myself that I hated myself for getting to this point
  • telling myself  “please make it stop”
  • telling myself that the life and people around me just don’t need me anymore
  • asking myself  “WHY AM I NEVER GOOD ENOUGH?”
  • not being able to breathe
  • because of lots of heavy breathing
  • telling myself that if it does get to that lowest point call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

This is reality. This is depression.

This is part of the depression that I hate to experience because it takes such a huge toll on my mind and my body.

It’s 9pm…3 hours later and I am physically and mentally exhausted from that rock bottom explosion.

It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

 

-Mel

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