I held it in all day.
The frustration, the anxiety, the moments of feeling depressed.
I had to. I was at work. As soon as I turned right on the main street after leaving work.
All the feelings that I held inside for 8 hours just exploded.
I spent that 30ish min drive completely destroyed.
I was at a very low point. I pretty much hit rock bottom, a place that I never wanted to be ever again.
That drive included moments of:
- uncontrollable crying
- telling myself that I hated myself for getting to this point
- telling myself “please make it stop”
- telling myself that the life and people around me just don’t need me anymore
- asking myself “WHY AM I NEVER GOOD ENOUGH?”
- not being able to breathe
- because of lots of heavy breathing
- telling myself that if it does get to that lowest point call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
This is reality. This is depression.
This is part of the depression that I hate to experience because it takes such a huge toll on my mind and my body.
It’s 9pm…3 hours later and I am physically and mentally exhausted from that rock bottom explosion.
It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.