Symptoms Searching.

I hate this part of my anxiety. 

Where you accidentally do something or a random symptom appears and then all of a sudden, you research your symptoms and overthink.

And then sometimes you think you’re going to lose your vision, going to have some virus or think you’re going to die.

This just happened to me like 5 mins. ago. 

I was washing my face, putting some pore nose strip on and had that plastic part in my hand as I was putting the nose strip on. 

I noticed that I had the plastic part in my hand close to my eye.

But I don’t have no recollection if that plastic sheet hit my left eye or not. 

I feel like if it did hit my eye, I would have a reaction. But I have no clue. 

But now I am freaking out. 

I feel as if my left eye hurts a little….but it it really hurting or is it in my mind??

Then I notice a little spot there and of course, I overthink and think was that spot there before?? Because I don’t really take a look in my eyes.

Then I start googling it.  And think of every single worst possible outcome. 

This has happened before where I thought some liquid soap got into my eye  and I spent that whole night hoping that I didn’t wake up blind.

It’s so dumb. But it’s anxiety.

And the worst part is:   When you don’t know if something is actually hurting or your mind is so convincing that it feels like that area is hurting. 

That is my current situation. The fact that I NOTICED the plastic sheet near my eye but NOT ACTUALLY RECALLING if it touched or scratched my eye. And then you start to “feel” or feel something in that eye and the constant checking my eye and googling symptoms. Then OVERTHINKING EVERY LITTLE THING. 

And now I will think about it for the rest of the night. Thinking will it bleed, or will I need eye surgery. 

It is so dumb.

But this is the reality of ANXIETY. 

-Mel

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