Running away.

Literally & Mentally.

Anxiety & Depression had made me freeze in certain situations and “run away” from my problems literally and mentally. 

There are many times at work when I get too overwhelmed and get anxious about a situation that I freeze and just move away to avoid it or try to block it from my mind. 

Or in situations like this, where years ago you buy something off a dumb website and then it became a subscription you didn’t know about. Then you try canceling it before, then it got complicated and you just “ran away” from it. And now it’s catching up to you and making you suffer. 

But depression makes you do this. 

You are already hating yourself and when you make a dumb mistake, then it goes overboard and the only way you can handle it is by avoiding it.

I feel so stupid for letting a mistake slip by for years. And I felt this way before and every time I think about it and cringe and block it from my mind again. 

It’s a cycle. 

I have to be honest and say that as much as I’m trying to be positive and try to be in the holiday spirit. I’m struggling. I feel so alone. And when things like this crawl up into your life and you realize your mistakes, it makes things even worse. 

I don’t even know how to feel anymore. 

-Mel

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