“WELL I’M DOING THIS FOR ME”. 

It finally happened.

I am leaving the job that I’ve been complaining about for the past months/year.

As soon as I got the email that told me my start date.

I immediately became anxious and overwhelmed.

I have pictured in my mind (for months) about what would happen when I would put in my two weeks.

Now it’s finally happened

And to be honest, I was f*cking scared and terrified when I first found out

I was about to go to sleep and casually checked my emails (which I didn’t check for hours because I didn’t feel good) and got the start date. Afterwards, I had an hour or two of: fear, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed and pacing back and forth.

I had to wait for an email back to confirm my start date because of an upcoming vacation, so I have to wait until after the weekend to give my two weeks. That whole day on Friday, I was a nervous wreck. More pacing, more anxiety.

I even had second thoughts of leaving. I would spend time with my students and started to get sad that I would be leaving them. At some point, I had thoughts of just forgetting about that new job and staying.

Then somehow in the next day, after moments of feeling sad in the morning. I thought, “WELL I’M DOING THIS FOR ME”.

I’m leaving for a reason.

I had so many moments throughout the last couple years where I didn’t leave for certain reasons. Mainly because of my co-teacher. First, I wanted to help her since she was new. Then it was because she was getting married. Then I wanted to stay until my class’ graduation. Then I stayed over the summer, to help another teacher since she was by herself. . Then I stayed to help with the transitions for my current class. Then it was to stay while my co-teacher went on her honeymoon. Then I had to stay after I got my job offer waiting for enrollment to increase and I had a fear of what they were going to do when I put in my two weeks.

I stayed to help other people. I didn’t stay to help myself.

I have become increasingly frustrated and stressed in this job. And I was doing this for other people.

And that’s not okay.

I was terrified on Friday thinking about how I’m going to tell my boss. But the fear is slowly drifting away because I’m going to explain to her that it’s for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still terrified of her response to my resignation. But now, I’ve figured out my reasons to back up my resignation.

Wish me luck.

-Mel

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s