Outside Influences & Second-Guessing.

I feel like a majority of my decisions in life have been influenced by the “opinions” of others.

Mainly my mother, which I talk about a lot in therapy.

So I won’t go into full details here.

I feel so unsure and anxious when making decisions a lot because of these outside influences.

I had a situation today where an outside influence was trying to affect me and basically was about to change my mind.

I put in my two weeks on Monday. My current boss has been trying her absolute best to have me stay. Every time I mention something, she fires back with a response. Basically saying that everything I’m looking for is here at this current job. She wouldn’t not stop and let me explain myself with out a response.

It got to the point where I felt peer pressured. And it’s making me second-guess my decision.

I didn’t give in. But now my mind has just been overthinking things. And I hate it.

Why do I lets others outside perspectives and opinions affect me so much?

I had a situation a month ago with my mother. Where I really liked this one dress and my mom takes a look at it, says that it’s nice but she prefers this one other dress. And that the one I wanted was too “easily wrinkled”. I got pissed and literally threw it on the rack. I was mad. She said something so small, but yet it had a huge effect. And I was mostly angry at myself for listening and not buying that dress. (BTW:I found that same dress over the past weekend, in a nicer color and on sale. So I bought it).

When I got offered the position at my new upcoming job. I had my co-workers basically tell me that I shouldn’t take the position. I wanted this job because it was the type of curriculum and environment that I wanted in a school. It came with it’s perks. It didn’t have the benefits of a big company like my current job, BUT I never wanted to be a teacher in a big company as well. I was excited to find a school that fit the needs of what I wanted as a teacher.

However, my co-workers kept on telling me to apply to this other job that paid more. But looking at their website, I wasn’t into their curriculum or the whole layout of that school when it comes to being a teacher there.

It’s not all about money to me. With depression and anxiety, I need to work in a nonjudgmental and less stressful environment. I didn’t take this new job for a great increase in pay. But for the curriculum and all the tools that made me want to be a teacher. Additionally, I heard from a former college classmate that my new boss is really nice. But with all the outside influence, maybe I’m second-guessing myself again.

All these outside outside influences and their effect, make me a weaker person. It doesn’t make confident in the decisions that I make for myself. It makes me overthink if I’m capable of making life-changing decisions for myself. And therefore, makes me think I’m steering my life in the wrong direction. Only because someone tells me so.

Why can’t I live my life and make my own decisions?

-MEL

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