(lack of) APPRECIATION & RECOGNITION.

As I’m starting my last week at this job…

the words “APPRECIATION” and “RECOGNITION” are appearing in my head multiple times.

As I was walking towards my classroom, someone told me “Did you change your mind?” I said no and then said, “Just know that you are appreciated”.

I didn’t know I was appreciated because I haven’t heard or seen appreciation towards myself.

One of the main reasons why I wanted to leave this job was lack of recognition.

I get it. My co-teacher is great, but she is always perceived and treated like the main teacher many many times.

It’s frustrating when you work so hard, you help so much and you get put on the sidelines. While all the praise goes towards your co-worker.

(I just deleted a lot: because I was just venting out of frustration)

I left my first job due to the lack of recognition. I was at a vulnerable phase in my life and I just needed some recognition that I was a nice and hard-working person. Because I felt worthless.

And before a work meeting, I mentioned to my boss that I have never been employee of the month after 6.5 years. And I did everything there. Helped with the registers, barista drinks, taking care of customers and bringing food to them. Clearing tables. Cleaning dishes and working on the line. Even helped with catering. And I helped whenever and wherever it was needed. And at that working meeting, the employee of the month was given to an employee that worked there for about 3 months. 3 f*cking months.

I was devastated. I left the meeting and cried. Then I went home and applied to jobs. Weeks later, I gave my two weeks notice. It was my home of 6.5 years with people I loved and I quit because I didn’t feel appreciated.

That first job was a phase in my life that I loved. I stayed there for so long because of the people.

But when you don’t show any appreciation towards someone or recognize them, things change.

It’s hard for me to go and visit that first job. It’s not the same and it will never be the same. I always called it “my second home” because I was there the same amount (sometimes more) than my own home. When I left, I didn’t want to know who would be taking my “position” or who would take over my shifts. Because it would hurt.

I always want that place to be in my memories of the good days with the greatest memories of the best co-workers. It’s hard to go there and see things change. It’s hard to go there and not see those great co-workers and that it’s not the same.

I always want to leave a job and let it go. Because of that.

With this job, I know that I would be updated about the daily events from my co-worker. But I don’t want to necessarily ask who my replacement is. I guess, I don’t want to think about someone replacing me and being better than me.

My therapist asked me how it felt to get some recognition after telling the parents and students about my resignation.

It felt good.

I don’t get recognition or appreciation all the time. I see hints of it here or there. But it’s not something I’m used to.

And it’s something I definitely need in my life.

& to be honest, I am not the best at verbally stating my appreciation for others. Like real appreciation, not just a simple thank you. Because I am easily emotional and will cry immediately after sharing some deep feelings. (And if you know me, I DON’T LIKE CRYING IN FRONT OF OTHERS).

So I write. I write cards. Or send texts when I want to share my appreciation to someone.

But I definitely show my appreciation. I will offer to pay for dinner, lunch, etc. I will buy a treat whenever I just see others struggling or frustrated about something. I will show it in my birthday/holiday presents to them. If they need help with anything, I will always help without being asked to.

I may not be verbally great at showing appreciation and recognizing others. But I try my best to show my appreciation in other ways.

As someone with depression and anxiety, being appreciated and recognized is something important to me. My mind overthinks everything due to anxiety and my mind also tells me that I’m not a good person and worthy of anything because of depression.

When you’re own mind doesn’t APPRECIATE you, you need someone else to APPRECIATE you.

& when others don’t appreciate you: you either let it affect you mentally or you leave.

Recognize the best in others. Appreciate others.

-Mel

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