7 months.

Tonight. I’m letting my mind and body sleep naturally.

Whenever it is tired and wants to rest.

No melatonin. No sleep apps. No podcasts. No audiobooks.

I’m letting my mind and body experience something that it’s not used to.

Letting my mind and body sleep when it’s ready, not because I’m forcing it to.

I had an epiphany on my drive home (stuck in traffic).

I don’t like to self-diagnose myself.

But I feel like I have been experiencing some symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder at my current job because of my previous job.

I don’t want to get in full details. But I feel like I get nervous asking for help in my current job due to the way I was treated or others were treated at my old job.

Then I was thinking about how these past 7 months have been the most difficult and exhausting months.

Additionally, the past 7 months have drastically affected my mental and physical health.

My anxiety has sky-rocketed. Depression has made an appearance back in my life. I have seriously considered ending my life about 3 times (don’t worry I’m fine now and like I said, I promised myself not to do it). My heart-rate fluctuates and I don’t know if it’s because of anxiety or something that I should get checked out. I have been getting an immense amount of headaches. And I had about 10x more migraines than I’ve had in the past 3 years. And a couple of weeks ago, I had trouble breathing and felt short of breath.

(Now I’m getting sleepy writing this…)

I can’t finish this. I’m tired.

Goodnight.

-Mel

1 Comment

  1. People forget that there is such a thing as Acute Stress Disorder. Sometimes that happens after something interpersonally, physically or otherwise terrifying. Sometimes it can be managed without treatment. Sometimes it later becomes PTSD. It’s more common in those already struggling with other diagnoses. Is it PTSD or a more acute stress reaction? I can’t say. I can say it’s less likely to *become* PTSD if it isn’t already if you talk about it and accept short-term help rather than toughing it out. PTSD sucks, so I strongly encourage anyone who might be experiencing acute trauma stress symptoms to take it seriously and hopefully avoid it progressing…

    Like

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