Is it Mental or Physical?

I’m having a hard time distinguishing if the current symptom I’m feeling is mental or physical.

There are physical symptoms that I get from my mental illness of depression and anxiety. With depression, I have insomnia or loss of appetite. Or I’m just tired all the time. With anxiety, I get a sore throat when I’m feeling anxious. My heart is rapidly beating. I have trouble breathing and often feel like I cannot breathe at all.

And there are mental symptoms when I get physical pain. For example, when I was sick with an upper respiratory infection, it came with a migraine. And I felt unbearably sick and was crying because I wanted to feel at least a tiny bit better.

When something out of the ordinary occurs, I immediately panic and think of the worst possible outcomes.

From this panic, physical symptoms start to occur like a sore throat feeling and my heart rapidly beating.

And that’s what happened just now.

I was taking my antibiotic (my last one of 10 days) and I did the normal routine with it. Eat something so it doesn’t upset my stomach. Use a pill cutter to cut it in half, because it is humongous and impossible for me to swallow the whole pill. And then I swallow both sides of the pill and drink water all done.

When cutting up the pill, the edges aren’t smooth because the pill is huge.

I’ve had a hard time swallowing pills ever since I was little. So taking these pills for 10 days have been horrible.

But today on my last one, I swallowed the half pill as usual and as I was swallowing it. I could feel it go down my throat and it felt like it scratched my throat as it was going down.

I instantly was imagining the “sharper” side of the pill scraping and scratching my throat as I was swallowing it.

While these thoughts started forming in my mind, I immediately started to feel physical symptoms: my heart was rapidly breathing and I started to feel a sore throat occurring.

My mental thoughts formed of: my throat is going to bleed and I’m going to die. Of course I check the internet for answers and some answers are relieving and some answers stress me out. (Don’t check the internet for answers).

And now I’m having an anxiety attack.

Is my sore throat due to the fact that I’m having anxiety over the whole situation. Or did I irritate my throat due to the pill and it’s feeling swollen because of that that?

I do not know..

-Mel

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