I’ve wanted to become a teacher ever since I was in 1st grade.
Because of my teacher at that time.
I didn’t talk at school up until 2nd grade. (I now know that it’s called Selective Mutism)
I was scared to talk at school. I don’t know the exact reason why. Maybe someone made fun of something I said in preschool and it stuck with me until Elementary School. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been an introvert my entire life.
All my teachers up to 1st grade saw my “shyness” as a problem or a setback. They saw my selective mutism as a negative thing & they were trying to figure out ways to make me talk. They either forced me to talk or just gave up.
I was already shy and insecure at that age. And forcing me to talk decreased my self esteem even more. Especially if they put me on the spot in front of everyone.
But when I got to 1st grade, my teacher never saw it as a problem. She focused on different ways to have me participate in class instead of talking in front of everyone.
For Show and Tell, she had me record on a cassette tape and talk about the item I was showing.
And she always found ways to increase my self esteem. Like giving me an award at the assembly.
She made me feel good about myself.
And when I broke my arm and had a cast. She had some really nice classmates help me write and help me with my lunch.
I wanted to become a teacher because of her.
And now I’m a Pre-K teacher.
As a teacher, you have the students that you have to keep an eye on all the time. The ones that always talk and want attention. And the ones in between.
But I always focus on the ones in the background, the ones that don’t speak up.
I always make sure to spend a little extra time with them.
If a student was afraid to do something, I never forced them to do it. I always observed them and found ways to increase their confidence.
But with teaching for about 5 years and having an extremely difficult class with lots of behavior problems.
It makes it hard to focus on the quieter students because I have to always keep an eye out for the other ones.
Now with the pandemic, and having the same 7 kids for almost 3 months now…. we need a break from each other.
And for these almost 3 months, I’m the only main teacher since my co-teacher decided to ditch me this entire time.
I do have help. But it’s my classroom, so I need to be in charge of every little thing. And the help that I receive is only in the morning. So in the afternoon, I’m all by myself.
With these behavior problems increasing, alongside with my anxiety and migraines increasing, I just become so negative and I don’t enjoy being a teacher.
It’s been difficult.
And I hate it when I keep all this anger inside of me and I become so negative with my students.
Because that’s not the reason why I became a teacher.
It makes me feel so evil when I get so angry at them.
And I’m currently on my lunch & I’m hating myself for this.
I don’t think I can be a teacher anymore.
& I’ve probably stated this so many times.
But this overwhelming feeling and stress is not worth it.
I want to be there for my students but I can’t be there for them if I’m so angry and overwhelmed.
Being a teacher is hard. Yes we teach. We also communicate with parents. We are the referees for arguments and not sharing with toys. We are nurses when they get a booboo. We are therapists at times and listen to their feelings when they are angry or sad. We are their supporters and cheerleaders when they do something (literally anything like be a good helper or when they make a building with blocks). We are so many things than just teaching them letters or numbers.
And it’s so hard to do all these things and not get any appreciation. I’m not saying that I need hundreds of coffee gift cards. But when Teacher Appreciation Week happened earlier this month, there was a lack of appreciation. We are in a worldwide pandemic where we are risking our lives to provide care for their children. And I had a couple of families give gifts to show their appreciation. But the other families didn’t even say Thank You.
Each type of teacher has their struggles and hardships. There are infant teachers, toddler teachers, preschool teachers, Pre-K teachers. There are Elementary School teachers, Middle School, High School and College Professors. Also there are Special Education teachers. We all have different struggles. But we care about our students and want them to succeed.
Being a Teacher is Hard.