I always think negatively and it’s not because I’m a negative person, it’s because I’m terrified when something positive comes into my life.
Because that positive light can disappear or be taken away from me.
I can’t count the amount of times where I got my hopes up & was disappointed immediately afterwards.
It’s scary to be excited for something.
So I think about the negative aspects of it, so I can get some small ounce of hope.
My therapist recently introduced me to the Cognitive Triangle.
Because sometimes my thoughts affect my feelings and actions. Or a feeling is so strong that affects my thoughts, then my actions.
I always get gut feelings about things. I never know whether to follow my gut or not. Because sometimes those feelings are wrong.
Like I said in a previous post, I’m scared. We have 6 days left this year and I just want everything to be okay.
I’m anticipating for something negative to happen in the next 6 days, because that’s how sh*tty this year was.
I just want to be okay.
& I really hope that I prove this negative feeling in me right now…is wrong.
So I’m going to try to be positive, not at an extreme rate but I’m going to try.
-MEL
