It’s amazing how one small thing can escalate into multiple things, like a snowball effect.
It started off with a conversation from a student’s parent. I won’t share details but it had to deal with a “bully” problem, which wasn’t a bully problem. It was taken out of context. But any parent “concern” all comes down to me, because it’s my classroom and my students.
I’m already in a horrible condition. I’m currently in a deep depression. So any small comment, already pushes me to the point of “it’s my fault”.
I left work, drove home with a “Pop Punk” playlist, with songs during my “EMO”/Teen phase.
I thought it would make me feel nostalgic in a good way.
But I’m going through many things at the moment (along with depression), that the playlist added to the low condition that I was in.
My mind went from:
- Developmental stages & Bullying in Child Development
- To “I’m NOT OKAY”
- To thinking about the different friendships & relationships that have disappeared throughout my 31 years of life
- To “WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?”
- To “ISN’T IT WEIRD HOW ONE ACTION VERBAL & NON-VERBAL CAN HAVE A HUGE EFFECT ON MY LIFE”. (During therapy yesterday, I talked about the guy that I was talking to. And how upset I was that he didn’t communicate with me about plans that he made. He wanted to hang out with me, but didn’t text me. Without thinking about it, I was so emotional and started talking about how a friend from middle school was mad at me for texting her too much about plans. She asked me to hang out, she didn’t text & got mad at me for asking her about it. That one friend’s aggressive words towards me affected me in a different situation 17 years later).
- TO “I CAN’T BE A TEACHER ANYMORE” (I’ve been soo irritable lately from anxiety and I’m afraid that my actions or words will negatively affect one of my students later in life)
- TO ” I VALUE & CARE ABOUT EVERYONE THAT HAS CROSSED MY PATH BUT I DON’T RECEIVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF VALUE & CARE BACK”
- TO “WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?” (again).
I arrived to my exit 20(ish) minutes later, I had to wipe my tears away coming home. I cried so much that I noticed my pants and my seat were wet from my tears.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE KIND TO EVERYONE YOU MEET.
BE KIND & SHOW PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT THEY ARE LOVED & APPRECIATED.
You never know if something you did to someone has positively or negatively affected someone.
A friend from middle school was upset with me for plans that she made & it gave me the same feeling of abandonment 17 years later when a guy that I was talking to, didn’t communicate with me about plans that he made.
That one small thing affected me in my adult life.
PLEASE BE KIND