Early. I would get soo excited. Make big plans. Days before leading to my birthday and even after my birthday. Go on a trip. Or go to Disneyland. Go to concerts. Have family parties. Stay up until midnight. I would have high hopes. Then get disappointed. I was watching a video I MADE FOR MYSELF […]
Author: melalarcon
Thanks for the music.
My 30th Birthday is coming up. And I wanted to end my last days of my 20s by listening to the music that helped me throughout my almost 30 years of life. I had different phases: An MTV PHASE that started with TLC. Then it turned into a long phase of POP music from watching […]
I felt like I was going to die.
I had a panic attack 2 days ago. The WORST PANIC ATTACK I’ve ever experienced. It all started with the “what if’s?” after work. It was a rough day at work that day. So my anxiety-filled mind went to “what if tomorrow is like today but worse?”. Then what if this happened to this kid […]
My mind can be a bully.
So I did it. Ended my first week at my new job. From the very beginning of this week, I was so positive. & then my mind got to me and basically made me feel worthless. Starting a new job is hard. You have to learn so many things from new policies and procedures and […]
New Changes & New Chances.
Oh hi. It’s the start of a new chapter tomorrow. I feel…I don’t know. Everything just feels surreal. From the moment I got my start date, to working my last two weeks and working my last day at my other job. Quitting that job was something I wanted & needed in this past year, especially […]
Changes: LIFE GOES ON.
Tomorrow is the last day of another chapter in my book. When I got the email from my new job exactly 2 weeks ago, I had a whole mixture of emotions. And that mixture of emotions went up and down like a roller coaster these last two weeks. I would be sad about leaving my […]
(lack of) APPRECIATION & RECOGNITION.
As I’m starting my last week at this job… the words “APPRECIATION” and “RECOGNITION” are appearing in my head multiple times. As I was walking towards my classroom, someone told me “Did you change your mind?” I said no and then said, “Just know that you are appreciated”. I didn’t know I was appreciated because […]
Outside Influences & Second-Guessing.
I feel like a majority of my decisions in life have been influenced by the “opinions” of others. Mainly my mother, which I talk about a lot in therapy. So I won’t go into full details here. I feel so unsure and anxious when making decisions a lot because of these outside influences. I had […]
I want to go back to the time where I didn’t spend a majority of my night worrying.
What if…? Did I forget this? Did I make the wrong decision? Did I do something wrong? Why haven’t _____ responded? And everything ending with the WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIOS PLAYING AND REPLAYING IN MY HEAD. Why did this start happening? When did this start happening and how did escalate to this level? It’s been intense […]
“WELL I’M DOING THIS FOR ME”.
It finally happened. I am leaving the job that I’ve been complaining about for the past months/year. As soon as I got the email that told me my start date. I immediately became anxious and overwhelmed. I have pictured in my mind (for months) about what would happen when I would put in my two […]
