I am an introvert. So I’m always associated with the word “SHY”. And I hate that word. It’s always brings out such a negative energy with it. “You’re so shy and quiet” “Don’t be shy!” “She’s shyyyyy…..” I heard that word “SHY” the day before my week off in December when I had a meeting […]
Author: melalarcon
Hurting myself physically when I’m hurting mentally.
Yesterday was rough. Physically, emotionally and mentally. And then it was pushed way over the edge. That moment it was pushed over the edge. I had to hold it. Had to hold my emotions inside. Once I was in a safe and private area, I…..exploded. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t stop crying. Kept on telling myself that […]
It’s Thursday.
Hello. It’s Thursday. The day of the week where all of a sudden: my anxiety and depression are heightened and basically I feel like sh*t. On this week’s episode: I had a rough day before going to work. I had a rough day at work with an increasingly amount of anxiety. And now I am […]
New Year. Same Me.
It’s the new year. I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions. I didn’t make any goals for the New Year. I didn’t reflect on what happened in 2019 by looking at photos or my journals. & most importantly, I stopped telling myself “New Year. New Me” This year I didn’t want to mark the new […]
Write on…
I prefer writing over typing any day. When I was in college, I always bought a notebook for notes,even though I brought my laptop everywhere with me. In my room, I have about a thousand journals. All unfinished. All with a different purpose. Writing. Physically. For different purposes. There’s just something about it. In school, […]
Is it Mental or Physical?
I’m having a hard time distinguishing if the current symptom I’m feeling is mental or physical. There are physical symptoms that I get from my mental illness of depression and anxiety. With depression, I have insomnia or loss of appetite. Or I’m just tired all the time. With anxiety, I get a sore throat when […]
“It’s National Suicide Prevention Week. And just a couple of hours ago, I wanted to end my life.”
It’s National Suicide Prevention Week. Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day. And just a couple of hours ago, I wanted to end my life. Typically around this time, I will talk about the importance of this week. But this year, I have been quiet about it. These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind […]
Worry Writing.
Within the past year, I would have days when I would leave work and suddenly have a random worry. I would worry about different things like: Did I leave the water on in the sink? Did I turn the AC off? Did I turn my lights off in the classroom? Did I clock out? Then […]
All I’ve Ever Wanted in these Past 15+ years of Struggling with a Mental Illness is a HUG.
The most simplest form of human connection: A HUG. And that’s something I want, but don’t get. But it’s something that I want/need when I’m struggling with depression or anxiety. I get those awkward side hugs from people, second-long hugs from relatives and hugs from my students. But those hugs are just for greetings…saying hello […]
7 months.
Tonight. I’m letting my mind and body sleep naturally. Whenever it is tired and wants to rest. No melatonin. No sleep apps. No podcasts. No audiobooks. I’m letting my mind and body experience something that it’s not used to. Letting my mind and body sleep when it’s ready, not because I’m forcing it to. I […]
