Within the past year, I would have days when I would leave work and suddenly have a random worry. I would worry about different things like: Did I leave the water on in the sink? Did I turn the AC off? Did I turn my lights off in the classroom? Did I clock out? Then […]
Category: mental health
All I’ve Ever Wanted in these Past 15+ years of Struggling with a Mental Illness is a HUG.
The most simplest form of human connection: A HUG. And that’s something I want, but don’t get. But it’s something that I want/need when I’m struggling with depression or anxiety. I get those awkward side hugs from people, second-long hugs from relatives and hugs from my students. But those hugs are just for greetings…saying hello […]
7 months.
Tonight. I’m letting my mind and body sleep naturally. Whenever it is tired and wants to rest. No melatonin. No sleep apps. No podcasts. No audiobooks. I’m letting my mind and body experience something that it’s not used to. Letting my mind and body sleep when it’s ready, not because I’m forcing it to. I […]
Going from anxiety to depression.
I am very familiar with depression. I am very familiar with anxiety. & I’m very familiar with depression transitioning to anxiety. But… The transition from anxiety to depression is something that is unfamiliar to me. And I don’t like it… I had many moments of anxiety within the past week. And a million more moments […]
Having Depression and Anxiety Does Not Make You a Bad Person.
I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the body language. I know the tones in their voice. I know the fake smiles. I have major depressive disorder. & I have anxiety. I’m not a bad person. And yet… the looks, the stares, the body language, the tones and the fake smiles directed […]
Nothing.
Life is hard since this new year (aka year 30). I wanted to write a blog about how I’ve felt since I turned 30 and other things that I am passionate about… but the words are still floating in my mind. I wanted to visually display how I felt through art… but I’m holding the […]
Starting a new decade. Year 30.
It doesn’t feel like I’m starting a new decade, a new age and a new year in less than 2 hours. It doesn’t feel like it’s my birthday in a couple of hours. Honestly, I’m exhausted from these past couple of months of: ending a new job, starting a new job. Going to watch my […]
I don’t want to cry on my birthday again this year.
Early. I would get soo excited. Make big plans. Days before leading to my birthday and even after my birthday. Go on a trip. Or go to Disneyland. Go to concerts. Have family parties. Stay up until midnight. I would have high hopes. Then get disappointed. I was watching a video I MADE FOR MYSELF […]
Thanks for the music.
My 30th Birthday is coming up. And I wanted to end my last days of my 20s by listening to the music that helped me throughout my almost 30 years of life. I had different phases: An MTV PHASE that started with TLC. Then it turned into a long phase of POP music from watching […]
I felt like I was going to die.
I had a panic attack 2 days ago. The WORST PANIC ATTACK I’ve ever experienced. It all started with the “what if’s?” after work. It was a rough day at work that day. So my anxiety-filled mind went to “what if tomorrow is like today but worse?”. Then what if this happened to this kid […]
