For a moment sometime in the past 2 weeks, I made myself believe that I was okay. I make everyone believe that I’m okay but I’m just fooling them. I fooled myself. I made myself believe that I was okay. But deep deep down in myself, there was my depression and anxiety just telling me […]
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Bye Year 28.
Another tough year in the books. I didn’t go to Disneyland like I usually do. I wanted to relax on the days leading up to my birthday. I had so much anxiety/anxiety attacks/panic attacks/teeth clenching within the past 6 months that all I wanted for my birthday was not to feel anxious anymore. I […]
Why? Why is it bad that I’m an introvert?
I hear so many times that I’m SHY, QUIET, DON’T TALK MUCH, KEEP TO MYSELF… in such a negative way. I had someone say at work that I was an introvert and thinks that’s the way I run my classroom. I don’t want to go into full detail because it just breaks me apart […]
I didn’t plan anything.
I didn’t plan anything for my birthday. And that says so much about my current mental state. I didn’t plan anything. I always go to Disneyland on or around my birthday. And it didn’t happen/ it’s not going to happen. I don’t have many people in my life to go with. And things happened. So […]
I can’t breathe.
I feel like I’ve been holding my breath waiting for something good to happen. And I just feel like I keep on getting knocked down and can’t breathe. I hate that I feel this way. I hate how no matter how hard I try or how hard I work to make my life better… I […]
How did things change so quickly?
I was looking at this photo montage video that I made myself for my 25th birthday. It was basically my life told in photos along with transitions and Coldplay playing in the background. From about 2004 until 2014. So many memories. So many moments of pure happiness. So many people that used to be part […]
When Depression makes you Angry.
My birthday is a major trigger. And I’m at that point pre-birthday where I’m angry. Angry at myself, angry at others because I’m angry at myself and angry at my life. I’m going to be another year older and the question comes up ” Was this how I pictured my life going into my 29th […]
My Birthday is a Trigger.
One of the realizations that I had while driving to work this morning was how my birthday is an anxiety trigger. It’s my birthday in 11 days. And as it gets closer and closer to the day, I get really anxious and start feeling the downward spiral that depression makes you feel. This happens every […]
I Survived the Day I Feared the Most.
It’s 9:45pm. On May 19th. I have been waiting/anxious for this day. My best friend got married. I am beyond excited for her and her new husband. As much as I’m excited for her to get married, at the same time I was getting a lot of anxiety about that day. I didn’t think that […]
Tomorrow.
There are times when stress and/or anxiety hits me at night before I get ready to calm my mind to sleep. Overthinking happens. Then leads to more overthinking and worrying. My heart starts beating fast.. Then all of a sudden it’s 1am, then 3am and 6am. Sometimes you need to tell your mind to stop. […]
