It’s the new year. I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions. I didn’t make any goals for the New Year. I didn’t reflect on what happened in 2019 by looking at photos or my journals. & most importantly, I stopped telling myself “New Year. New Me” This year I didn’t want to mark the new […]
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Write on…
I prefer writing over typing any day. When I was in college, I always bought a notebook for notes,even though I brought my laptop everywhere with me. In my room, I have about a thousand journals. All unfinished. All with a different purpose. Writing. Physically. For different purposes. There’s just something about it. In school, […]
All I’ve Ever Wanted in these Past 15+ years of Struggling with a Mental Illness is a HUG.
The most simplest form of human connection: A HUG. And that’s something I want, but don’t get. But it’s something that I want/need when I’m struggling with depression or anxiety. I get those awkward side hugs from people, second-long hugs from relatives and hugs from my students. But those hugs are just for greetings…saying hello […]
Going from anxiety to depression.
I am very familiar with depression. I am very familiar with anxiety. & I’m very familiar with depression transitioning to anxiety. But… The transition from anxiety to depression is something that is unfamiliar to me. And I don’t like it… I had many moments of anxiety within the past week. And a million more moments […]
Having Depression and Anxiety Does Not Make You a Bad Person.
I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the body language. I know the tones in their voice. I know the fake smiles. I have major depressive disorder. & I have anxiety. I’m not a bad person. And yet… the looks, the stares, the body language, the tones and the fake smiles directed […]
Thanks for the music.
My 30th Birthday is coming up. And I wanted to end my last days of my 20s by listening to the music that helped me throughout my almost 30 years of life. I had different phases: An MTV PHASE that started with TLC. Then it turned into a long phase of POP music from watching […]
I felt like I was going to die.
I had a panic attack 2 days ago. The WORST PANIC ATTACK I’ve ever experienced. It all started with the “what if’s?” after work. It was a rough day at work that day. So my anxiety-filled mind went to “what if tomorrow is like today but worse?”. Then what if this happened to this kid […]
My mind can be a bully.
So I did it. Ended my first week at my new job. From the very beginning of this week, I was so positive. & then my mind got to me and basically made me feel worthless. Starting a new job is hard. You have to learn so many things from new policies and procedures and […]
Changes: LIFE GOES ON.
Tomorrow is the last day of another chapter in my book. When I got the email from my new job exactly 2 weeks ago, I had a whole mixture of emotions. And that mixture of emotions went up and down like a roller coaster these last two weeks. I would be sad about leaving my […]
I want to go back to the time where I didn’t spend a majority of my night worrying.
What if…? Did I forget this? Did I make the wrong decision? Did I do something wrong? Why haven’t _____ responded? And everything ending with the WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIOS PLAYING AND REPLAYING IN MY HEAD. Why did this start happening? When did this start happening and how did escalate to this level? It’s been intense […]
