Hey. I really wanted to write so many posts for Suicide Prevention Week. But my week was full of stress and anxiety attacks, so it never happened. It’s funny how it’s Suicide Prevention Week, but honestly I felt like getting away from here so badly this entire week. This morning I was helping my parents […]
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I let depression take over.
I didn’t want to fight it tonight. I was tired of fighting it. If I kept on fighting it in this weak state, I’m in…it will get worse. I didn’t want to think about anything else except my feelings and focusing on what’s going on in :my mind, my heart and my body. Letting myself […]
dear me, love mel.
I don’t know what to feel today. Depression and anxiety are beating the crap out of me. I just needed to write a letter to myself. Apologizing to myself for letter depression and anxiety win. But we will continue to fight. Good night. -Mel
(RE)focus.
At some point within the last couple of days, I just felt like I was going to explode with the amount of thoughts circling around my head. I’m pretty sure that’s what my last post was all about. I wanted to spend this weekend (re)focusing. I watched the movie To All the Boys I’ve Loved […]
OVER being OVERwhelmed.
Why? When I feel like life starts to calm down and I can focus. Things happen, then thoughts appear, then it turns to one worry to many worries and then it leads to being OVERWHELMED. Then I can’t focus anymore. Why?? I can’t even count how many times I’ve been overwhelmed in the past 5-6 […]
The TWO things that make me happy.
The TWO things that make me happy. Disney & Paramore. Happiness is something so rare and so precious to me. It’s not just being happy. It’s pure and absolute joy. It’s the ability to focus on what’s going on NOW, not thinking about the past or future. It’s not having all these worried thoughts bouncing […]
Holidays are the Hardest.
As everyone is out celebrating the Fourth of July. I’m at home. Painting to pass the time and get this day over with. My screen on the phone only tells the time and the day. No messages, no notifications, nothing. It reminds me of how pathetic my life is. My co-workers kept on asking me […]
My feelings written into words.
I could feel it today. Depression was creeping up into my life. Instead of fighting it, I embraced it. Because I knew that something was wrong and I just shrugged it off. I needed depression to come as weird as it sounds. Because I needed to come into terms with how I truly feel. Whenever […]
I fooled myself.
For a moment sometime in the past 2 weeks, I made myself believe that I was okay. I make everyone believe that I’m okay but I’m just fooling them. I fooled myself. I made myself believe that I was okay. But deep deep down in myself, there was my depression and anxiety just telling me […]
Bye Year 28.
Another tough year in the books. I didn’t go to Disneyland like I usually do. I wanted to relax on the days leading up to my birthday. I had so much anxiety/anxiety attacks/panic attacks/teeth clenching within the past 6 months that all I wanted for my birthday was not to feel anxious anymore. I […]
