Tomorrow is the start of September. And I honestly don’t know how August just suddenly ended. Because I feel like I didn’t fully experience this month. It was a crazy month. It became a month of uncertainty. I didn’t know what each day consisted of. And there were nights where I would worry on what […]
Tag: mental health awareness week
Anxiety ruins my life.
I just had a first date with this guy I’ve been talking to, for about a month. I thought the date went well and I want to see him again. But immediately, as soon as I said bye to him. My anxiety kicked in. What if he didn’t like me? What if all the hype […]
I had a panic attack at my cousin’s wedding.
It’s been a couple of months since my last post. But I thought it was important to share what happened on the day of my cousin’s wedding. My last post talked about how I felt so out of place and felt like I didn’t belong in my family, when I was at the rehearsal dinner. […]
I don’t feel like I belong in my family
I can’t sleep because all the anxiety I had being with relatives today. I was at a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner for my cousin’s wedding. I’m not part of the wedding. But since my parents are part of it, then I got to go. Same with the dinner. I walked into the venue. Dressed in […]
I WANT A BREAK FROM MYSELF.
I think I posted awhile back about writing letters to people in my life, without actually sending it to them. It was a way to let out my feelings for someone and an outlet to express what I would like to tell someone. There are many reasons why I don’t send it. And basically, I […]
I’m Waiting for Something Bad to Happen…
(Let’s do a NO EDIT, write everything down post). How many times can I say how F*CKING HORRIBLE THIS YEAR WAS?! It just doesn’t seem real. And looking back, I think… “WAIT, THAT WAS ALL IN 8 MONTHS”. With what’s going on in the world and with myself. It really has affected me to the […]
I Deserve Better.
It’s 4am on a work day. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back asleep. But I guess 4am is the time for realizations. Yesterday was a very frustrating day at work. It was like, a tiny thing in the universe was out of sync and it made my […]
4 AM
This is the THIRD Saturday in a row where I have woken up at 4am. No nightmares. Not feeling too cold or too hot. No loud noises waking me up. Just naturally waking up at 4am. And I wrote my previous post around 11pm last night and fell asleep around 12:45am. So yea… I didn’t […]
Why am I still here?
I’m going to be honest here. And say that at this moment, I’m crying and having a hard time breathing. I usually wait until after a panic attack or suicidal thoughts to write these. But I need to say everything that I’m feeling in the state that I’m currently in. I don’t want to be […]
Write on…
I prefer writing over typing any day. When I was in college, I always bought a notebook for notes,even though I brought my laptop everywhere with me. In my room, I have about a thousand journals. All unfinished. All with a different purpose. Writing. Physically. For different purposes. There’s just something about it. In school, […]
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