I’ve spent the first couple days of my vacation doing absolutely nothing. I’m so physically, mentally and emotionally drained from work and the other aspects of my life that cause anxiety and depression. So I’ve just been switching from the couch to my bed watching Netflix, Youtube or Disney +. I have a consultation with […]
Tag: mental illness
4 AM
This is the THIRD Saturday in a row where I have woken up at 4am. No nightmares. Not feeling too cold or too hot. No loud noises waking me up. Just naturally waking up at 4am. And I wrote my previous post around 11pm last night and fell asleep around 12:45am. So yea… I didn’t […]
Why am I still here?
I’m going to be honest here. And say that at this moment, I’m crying and having a hard time breathing. I usually wait until after a panic attack or suicidal thoughts to write these. But I need to say everything that I’m feeling in the state that I’m currently in. I don’t want to be […]
Negativity Energy is Powerful.
I wrote an entire post a couple of days ago of how this virus has affected me mentally all of last week because I still had to work. But I felt like I was complaining too much and being way too negative, so I deleted it. In that post, I explained how each day brought […]
Just Because I’m “SHY” doesn’t mean I’m less of a person.
I am an introvert. So I’m always associated with the word “SHY”. And I hate that word. It’s always brings out such a negative energy with it. “You’re so shy and quiet” “Don’t be shy!” “She’s shyyyyy…..” I heard that word “SHY” the day before my week off in December when I had a meeting […]
Hurting myself physically when I’m hurting mentally.
Yesterday was rough. Physically, emotionally and mentally. And then it was pushed way over the edge. That moment it was pushed over the edge. I had to hold it. Had to hold my emotions inside. Once I was in a safe and private area, I…..exploded. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t stop crying. Kept on telling myself that […]
It’s Thursday.
Hello. It’s Thursday. The day of the week where all of a sudden: my anxiety and depression are heightened and basically I feel like sh*t. On this week’s episode: I had a rough day before going to work. I had a rough day at work with an increasingly amount of anxiety. And now I am […]
New Year. Same Me.
It’s the new year. I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions. I didn’t make any goals for the New Year. I didn’t reflect on what happened in 2019 by looking at photos or my journals. & most importantly, I stopped telling myself “New Year. New Me” This year I didn’t want to mark the new […]
Write on…
I prefer writing over typing any day. When I was in college, I always bought a notebook for notes,even though I brought my laptop everywhere with me. In my room, I have about a thousand journals. All unfinished. All with a different purpose. Writing. Physically. For different purposes. There’s just something about it. In school, […]
Is it Mental or Physical?
I’m having a hard time distinguishing if the current symptom I’m feeling is mental or physical. There are physical symptoms that I get from my mental illness of depression and anxiety. With depression, I have insomnia or loss of appetite. Or I’m just tired all the time. With anxiety, I get a sore throat when […]
